What Is ACT: The Control Paradox

The Control Paradox

We love to control. And our big, developed brains allow us to exert an amazing degree of control over our environment. This has been very helpful in protecting us throughout time, and it’s not surprising that one of our first instincts, when confronted with fear or worry, is to try somehow to control that experience. Our “control instinct” often works quite well. If you spill a glass of water, you exert control by wiping it up. Every day, all day long, we exercise control, and it tends to work fairly well for us.

Control of Feelings and Thoughts

However, while control works for us in many situations, control seems to have the opposite effect when it comes to controlling our feelings. This is particularly true when you try to control or get rid of your anxiety.

As soon as someone says, “don’t be nervous,” what immediately happens? Most people describe images of bad things happening; your heart starts to beat, your thoughts start racing. You’re nervous, and anxiety has set in!

Usually, the harder we try not to experience anxiety or our feelings, the more anxious we become! Why is this? Remember that anxiety is the fight-or-flight response. This is the response that helps us to take control of a threatening situation. If the situation that we need to control is anxiety, however, then we are eliciting the very response that we want to get rid of. This is the control paradox.