How Moms Can Celebrate Mother’s Day Without Having a Mother to Celebrate

Celebrating Mother’s Day while grieving your own Mother is hard. You can do hard things. Here are 5 considerate ways to navigate grief on your day.

Mother’s Day can be hard if your mother has passed away. It can also be hard if you have an estranged relationship with her, or she’s just not able to be the mom you need right now. 

An additional layer of going through the waves of grief is when you’re a mother yourself. How do you grieve and be celebrated at the same time? 

Do just that. 

It doesn’t have to be one or the other; it’s both. 

You can be sad and think about the “could have beens” and take time for the people who love you most to celebrate with you. 

But how? How do you not let grief consume your entire day? Unfortunately, there isn’t a quick-fix answer to make it happen. But here are some things you can do to make the day a little bit easier. 

1. Name Your feelings

Acknowledge and name how you’re feeling. 

Are you angry because she isn’t here? 

Are you hurting because it's another milestone without her? 

Do you feel guilt for not enjoying Mother's Day when she was around? 

Whatever it is, it’s your story. Name it.

2. Feel Your feelings 

Take a moment to actually feel your feelings. Have you been told to “feel” your feelings before but really had no idea what that means? 

Oftentimes, when a negative feeling happens, our mind will wander and begin thinking about the inner story that accompanies the feeling. That is not truly feeling, but instead, it’s thinking about your feelings. 

To feel your feelings, try this:

• Redirect your mind from these thoughts and inner dialog. Instead, focus on the sensations in your body. Mentally name them (shoulders tense, clenched fists, clammy hands, etc.). 

• Breathe into the feeling or sensation and allow it to happen (cry, shake, move around, etc.) Your mind will really want to go back to story mode, and when this happens focus on your body.

• Take deep breaths. Keep feeling into your body. Let the feeling exist and trust it will leave. Observe it changing. Watch it move. Notice that you have survived. 

3. Plan Your Day

Take time to think about how you would like to spend Mother’s Day, and then talk with your family about what an ideal day looks like for you. 

Is it staying home, watching movies, or going out to brunch? As Mothers, it can be our default to overlook ourselves. Take the time to think about things you truly enjoy and how you want to be celebrated. 

4. Self Care

What better way to celebrate you being a mother than you taking care of yourself? What does self-care look like for you? 

Is it something physical like taking a bubble bath, going on a walk, or going shopping? Or is it something mental or spiritual like meditating, reading, or going to church? 

Whatever it is, make it a priority. Taking care and loving yourself is the best gift you could ever give to your children. 

5. Memory Share

If you have positive memories of your mom and find happiness in sharing stories about her, tell your family about your favorite memories of her. If talking about her doesn’t bring you joy, share some of your favorite memories of being a mom with your family. 

The pain and grief of losing a mother is hard. It’s a pain that too many people are familiar with. You are seen and your pain is valid.

To the mom’s without moms, Happy Mother’s Day. May your day be filled with joy, self-care, and love.