Self Care and the Power of Self Compassion
Self care is not just mani pedis, chocolate and bubble baths. It doesn’t have to cost you anything really and should never be confused with selfishness. Self care, very simply arises out of self compassion. To have compassion for yourself means noticing that you are struggling and offering yourself kindness in response to that pain. It means noticing what’s coming up for you; stress, exhaustion or frustration and from a place of loving-awareness, taking your next steps with insight and compassion. Some days this may require a mani pedi or a long bubble bath, but many days it comes simply through the use of the powerful word “NO”, prioritizing your choices based on your health, happiness, love, peace and not on guilt, external pressures and expectations.
Simply, it comes down to talking with yourself as you would a dear friend or loved one. Imagine if a friend was struggling, in pain, or suffering in some way. What would you say? How would you comfort them and console them? Now, imagine the last time you struggled. How did you respond to yourself? What kinds of things did you say or do? Did you come up with radically different responses? This is usually the case.
Often the way that we treat ourselves in our moments of struggle is drastically different than how we would treat a loved one. We would never tell a loved one to "get over it", or question what was wrong with them and why they couldn't be stronger.
Instead, we would tell our loved one that they are doing the best that they can, that they should give themselves time. We would offer to cook meals and do laundry to give them a break. We would offer hugs and long walks, and our gentle presence. Learning to treat ourselves as we would a dear friend or our loved one is self-compassion.
The best self-care arises from self-compassion. There are over a 1000 clinical studies on self-compassion that show that when self care/compassion is practiced, negative states decrease and resiliency and strength increases. People who practice self-compassion have less fear of failure, are more likely to try again if they do fail, have healthier behaviors like diet and exercise, possess greater motivation to learn and grow, have greater resiliency, are more conscientious, and possess greater empathy for others.
As you approach the new year, and as you think about resolutions and intentions for more self-care, put Self Compassion as your number one self care regimen.
Talk to yourself as you would a dear friend or loved one
Make time for activities that fuel your life, happiness and love
Remind yourself that the word “No” is a full and very powerful sentence
Remember one of the most important tenets of self-compassion: that we are all in this together.
