4 Techniques to open communication with teens

Ask permission

Set up the conversation with a strong foundation by getting the go-ahead to proceed: “Can we talk now or would after dinner be better?” The idea of asking permission can seem counterintuitive, but asking permission gives teens a sense of control over the discussion and a feeling of respect that parents are talking with and not at them. When permission is given (even if only with a shrug of the shoulders), teens will be more open to actively participating in the discussion.

Show empathy

A simple reflection that shows empathy goes a long way. “It’s hard to be isolated at home and I know you are committed to protecting yourself and your family.” The choice of words is critical as well as tone. Be sure to use a genuine, neutral tone of voice. Anything too extreme or too overstated may be perceived as sarcastic instead of empathetic.

Ask open-ended questions

These are not easily answered with a “Yes” or “No”. Ask questions that lead teens to think deeper and plan ahead, instead of focusing on the negatives of a situation. Try asking, “What can you do over the next few weeks to keep in touch with your friends?” instead of “Are you OK with what’s going on?”

Listening

This can be the hardest thing for parents to do, especially when they are in protection mode. Actively listen by staying quiet, and using body language that shows you’re listening like eye contact, head nodding or leaning in toward the person speaking.